Gotta Have Faith: March 2012

Since I've been a mom for almost an entire month (practically a pro, I know) I thought I'd share a list of things that have surprised me thus far. I tried to be as prepared as I could for this experience. But of course, no book nor blog can truly prepare you for the real deal.

1. I didn't expect the absolute euphoric feeling of giving birth. I thought that the 'before' and 'after' I'd never forget, but the actual 'during' was amazing. I always thought I'd prefer to be knocked out and handed the baby all wrapped up in a cute blanket, but I would never trade the experience.

2. In fact, the 'during' was such a elating experience that I didn't clue into the hiccups that occurred. I had to be told after that I had lost a lot of blood (almost had to have a blood transfusion) and the cord was wrapped around Faith's neck. I saw it all- I asked to have a mirror so I could watch the process- but it didn't sink in. I didn't expect that.

3. I didn't know what to expect about the process of bonding with my baby. I've heard that some moms bond instantly and for some moms it takes a little time. For me, I was so out-of-this-world blown away by the experience that I bonded in a sense, but in another sense it didn't seem real. The true, deep, bonding- the love for her burrowing into every fiber of my being- has occurred in quiet moments of just her and I. The snuggle time we have in the mornings, the hours I hold her so I can watch her sleep, and the many little kisses I give her during the day. Priceless.

4. I didn't expect that she would be so fascinated by music. Especially when she gets fussy (which is hardly ever, so far) I sing to her and it feels like she's heard the primary songs before. I wonder if we sang "I Am A Child of God" in the preexistence?

5. I didn't expect the deep disappointment of not being able to breastfeed. Nor did I expect that I wouldn't be able to. I suppose I could have tried to meet with a fourth lactation consultant, but even though I feel twinges of sadness every time I give her a bottle, I feel I stopped for the right reasons...... I never expected that there would be "right reasons" for me to stop breastfeeding.

6. I didn't expect that honestly and truly, JD is better at diapers than me. I still put them on crooked and too saggy (plumber's butt is not useful when trying to keep messes contained). JD is a pro. And a rockstar.

7. I didn't expect the utter fear I'd have when I realized I had to take care of this baby myself. It took everything I had to let my mom leave after she came for the birth. I had periodic bouts of panic (still do). I'd look at my baby and think- The baby is fed, clean, sleeping. I have nothing to worry about. Why are you worried? LOOK at her. She's fine. Input what you see into your brain. She's ok.

8. Noises. From her hind parts. Of epic proportions. They literally rock this world. No- that was not another earthquake in the DC/Metro area. That's just my daughter. And I'll I can think is- THAT will be fun in Sacrament Meeting. Especially when a sweet older woman is holding you. And I know that people will think it's me blaming the baby because there's no way THAT decibel could come out of HER. It did and it does.

9. Am I a bad mom to say that I love to wake Faith up? I don't do it
unnecessarily, but it is the cutest thing to start talking to her and see her squirm her little body. Her yawn and her stretching melt me. Super cute.

10. And finally, I never expected the outpouring of love and excitement for us from friends, family, and our ward. It's made this sweet time sweeter. And has reminded us of how to truly love others. We are deeply grateful.

PS- Contrary to present performance, this blog will not be only about babies. This one is replacing our old family blog. The other blog will not let me load any more pictures without paying. I maxed it out. So this is my way or working around such annoyances. Here's to many more posts to come!